I was supposed to write a blog last week, and I failed. I must have started to write around five times and never got anywhere. I was trying to write about forgiveness but the only real thing I knew I wanted to say was that forgiving someone is giving yourself freedom from the hurts they have caused you. When we don’t forgive someone, it’s really only hurting ourselves. Most of the time the other person doesn’t even know we were hurt. So when we forgive we are allowing ourselves to heal. But that’s as far as I got in my blog last week.
A week later and more than half of an empty page left, I’ll just stick with forgiveness. :)
It’s one thing to know something, but to live it out is a different story. I know deep down inside that I’m putting up a barrier within myself to stay protected. But most people who don’t take risks don’t have many good stories to tell. Let’s be honest, forgiving is a huge risk. When you don’t forgive, you have control, and having control means you win. Right? That’s what I was taught and man has it hurt me. I can have the knowledge, but it doesn’t matter until I put it into practice. Forgiving is a must. Most of the things I have held onto are from a long time ago, and the longer I hold onto them the more it builds. No better time to let go.
I don’t have some pretty way of tying this up. But I know I want to get better at forgiving people, myself included. I want to give up control and let go of things before they rot in me. And it’s not a one way street. The real kicker is admitting I’m wrong and having to ask for forgiveness. That can be such a scary place, but also freeing of having to maintain this perfect posture or excellence. When I actually have the guts to humble myself and not let my pride take over, my experiences are usually that the person I have hurt will have understanding toward my behaviors.
One last thing, my hunch is that I’m not the only one who puts this pressure on themselves, so let’s be nice to ourselves…. We all need to have more grace and forgiveness for everyone. Ourselves included.
Til next time,